bandits, 'staches, and socks, oh my!

So this is what we've been up to these days...
At first glance, you might thing this is a scary costume. Or maybe even a real robber. But then you step back and get a little perspective on things...






And see that it's really just a four-year old guy who puts his own underwear (clean, we only hope) on his head as part of his stand-up comic routine. Works every time, people!


And below, more important steps in the Heineman family quest for sophistication. Like mastering the art of making moustaches out of that green super drink Odwalla makes.

Dignified? Or just scary. Definitely messy. And on that note, I will relate to you the possibly humiliating but seriously crazy comment of the day, related to messiness. But first, some background information.

I have been trying to "turn over" some of the household duties to the children as they are ready. Laundry and clothes management seemed a reasonable category, and some of my friends have had success in that endeavor with their children, so i have been trying for some time to have the girls give it a go. Well, Eva is great with putting her clothes away. She doesn't like to fold laundry, but will if forced. Naomi has struggled to fold, but finally finished her first load the other day by herself- a big step, and I was proud of her. The putting away, though, is her downfall. To put it simply, she does not do it. At all. And not only that, she changes her clothes multiple times during the day, depending on "who" she is, what she is doing, if a bird is singing outside and reminding her that spring is near, or if she thinks someone might be stopping by to see her. There are many, many outfits. All end up inside out on the floor. And those she doesn't wear end up half-way out of the drawers, as if grasping after their more desirable dresser-mates. It is a state of garment chaos I call dresser barf. (I know, not very appropriate, but it's the spirit of this post and also the truth.) It takes a long time to clean up a round of dresser barf, but, amazingly, only one afternoon to create it.

So we have been doing so well with our studies lately, and as we all know, one can only do so many things, and one has to make choices, etc. Basically I have turned a blind eye to the dresser barf for about a week now. And it has become phenomenal. As in fire hazard status. (Could we get to the window? In a real emergency?) And as I prioritized studying from 6am to 2pm, and the sun was shining, the garden was calling, I wasn't going to put a horrid clothes clean-up session on the list today either...

"Naomi! Come on- get your socks on- let's get outside quick while the sun is out!

"

Naomi disappeared upstairs for about ten minutes, which is about five minutes less than it usually takes for her to find and don her socks. When she finally came down she looked troubled...

"Mom, I can't find my sock drawer!"

Oh. my. I. can't. look.

But wait- I know the drill- Breathe. Recover. Procrastinate...

Who needs socks anyway... "Quick! Get outside!!!"

Thus ends the homemaking lesson for today.

auntie lydia's old-timer birthday surprise

Auntie Lydia has recently been creating quite a buzz around our house- the kids have realized that she is a wealth of stories. Stories are always great, but even better- these are stories are often about their dad. And to top it off, he is very naughty in most of them. Like I said- very, very popular with the kids.

So one of the stories she told, by request, goes like this... Whenever the kids would get candy, the boys would get to keep theirs to eat at will, and Lydia had to give hers up to Grandmom for safe-keeping, and Grandmom would dole it out in reasonable measure. Well of course, the boys would gobble theirs up in no time. Knowing full well that there was more candy about, but that it was little sis Lydia's, it seemed almost unattainable. Almost. With just enough craft and heartlessness, it could be theirs to savor. The ploy was this: the boys (Jason and Gabe) would lie on the floor and cry out, "Oh Lydia.. Oh Lydia I'm not feeling good! Lydia, I think I'm dying!!" They would moan and look faint. She would run to them in alarm- ready to do anything to save their lives. "Lydia!" they'd say, "Sugar would help us! Sugar would bring us back to life! Quick- go get some of your candy from Grandmom!" She would run frantically to get the remainder of her candy, and administer full doses to bring her sweet brothers back to life. This happened more than once. They even did it to get her to bring and feed them grapes. Poor, poor little sister!

Another story, one of the few that did not include cruel brothers, was about Grand-ma- Lydia's great-grandmother who lived with them at the time. Grand-ma was getting quite along in years, and, lacking a good amount of teeth, was given the vitamin / protein drink Ensure to maintain good nutrition. Ensure came in several sweet flavors, and when she would open one, well, all those sugar loving kids would want some too. So Grand-ma would crack hers, and then crack another for the kids to share. Then they would all go into her bedroom together and sit on her bed, drink Ensure, and watch WWF wrestling- her favorite.

So when Lydia told my kids this story, they just couldn't believe that she woudl try such a drink. "Ewww!" they said. "Wasn't it disgusting?!" "NO!" she cried. "It is a fabulous little drink! I loved vanilla best!"

For the next few days the kids walked around repeating the phrase..."a fabulous little drink!" They were so curious. Then we hit upon an idea...

It all came together on Thursday night when we had Lydia over for a little birthday dinner. She was greeted at the door, then the kids bombarded her with little packages they wrapped- many colored beaded items they had made especially for her, and lots of fancy pictures. (Naomi decided to spell her name "Li-T-u") Then they took her hand and led her to the table. Josiah covered her eyes from behind her chair, and Naomi and Eva ran to the kitchen. "Don't look don't look!" Eva returned with a crystal goblet, and Naomi with a flowered tray, carrying the surprise. "For your pleasure," Naomi said, "A fabulous little drink." Eva open the lid and carefully poured- nearly spilling everywhere as she was shaking with laughter. "Don't worry" I told her. "I wouldn't let them give you anything terrible!" She was trusting enough (even with those bad big brothers!) that she willingly took a sip. "What is it what is it!?" the kids yelled excitedly. "It's Ensure!" she said. "Vanilla!" They screamed with glee. They thought it was the most amazing trick ever played.

Of course, Lydia offered the drink to all. The girls refused to try it, but knowing it was called "Vanilla" (or Banilla, as he says) Bubby was game...


And guess what... he's Ensure's newest fan. About 80 years early for him; but who needs those pesky old meals like dinner, he thinks, with such a potion as this?!

Mmmmmm...... A fabulous little drink!

the wonderful / wacky world of Nomi

*Blogger is not letting me put spaces between the lines or paragraphs, so please excuse the weird, hard-to-read formatting!

Since we've been looking at old pictures, I thought I'd post one of my favorites of Naomi at 2, along with a recent picture of her at a friend's birthday party. How quickly she's grown! And almost seven now... A few comments from my delightful, growing, almost-birthday girl before I forget them...

*******

Naomi is the indisputably the slowest eater in the family. She doesn't really enjoy this status, but accepts it and doesn't really try to speed up. I don't like to leave her completely alone for the last hour of her meals, but have trouble staying at the table for such a large percentage of the day, so I try to do things like sweep the kitchen or bake while she's eating so we can still talk.

Anyway, I was doing this the other day while she lounged in her chair, examining an apple she had been eating for over an hour... "You know," she said to me, "Astronauts are lucky. Since there is no oxygen in space they could eat as slowly as they wanted to, and their apples would never get brown." Sigh.

*********

While brushing her teeth in the bathroom, Naomi called me in to share her thoughts... "I just realized something, mom. When we learn other languages, we aren't really learning what those words mean in English, we are learning what they stand for. Like if we learn "agua" we aren't really learning "water" we are learning this wet thing- what stands for this actual thing. It doesn't have to go back to English. Words just happen to stand for something."

I was amazed at her perception and her non-ethnocentric (lingocentric?) perspective! I think half of my college level "Teaching English to Non-English Speakers" class never understood that. But it's funny that the thought occurred when it did. I think we need less "school time" and more time to just be lost in thought... Who knows what we'd discover?

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We get our milk delivered by Smith Brothers Dairy. It comes on Fridays, and we usually watch out for the big white truck with black Holstein spots- the kids like to be the first one's to notice it's arrival. So yesterday we were sitting at the kitchen table when Naomi looked out the window and hollered-

"Look! The champagne truck is here!"

"Champagne!?" I questioned in surprise... "Wha....?"

"Yeah!" she said. "It's backing up the driveway!"

"Since when do we get champagne delivered?!" I said. "What about MILK!?"

"No, No. Champagne- you know, to burn in the fireplace!"

"You mean propane?"

"Oh. Yeah- propane. So the propane truck is here."

*******

Yesterday we wanted some crackers with our cheese, and took some out of the pantry that someone (really I don't know who) had brought over for one of the holiday get-togethers. They were a whole wheat sort that we've often had, but after a few bites, it was obvious they were not right. I examined the box and saw that they were best by 2006. Oops. I explained to the kids why they were less than fresh tasting, and we tossed 'em.

Today, we tried some cookies from a tin that weren't so tasty. (I know, we're a little picky I guess.) We didn't throw them out or anything, just left the tin on the counter. (Daddy will eat them!) Later Naomi came running over to me with the tin, the insignia of the "Royal Dansk" cookie company aimed at my face"- "Mom Mom! Look! No wonder these cookies are no good! They are from 1966!!"

political preschool

I like to listen to NPR while I do kitchen tasks. Usually I turn off the radio once the kids get up, but sometimes I listen at other times throughout the day, or I accidentally leave it on while I'm in the shower, and the kids hear and interpret freely. When the election frenzy was at it's height, they were quite interested, and would always ask, "Is this voting again!?" They all had their own opinions on the candidates, based on random information. Josiah's favorites were chosen by the sounds of their names. He even renamed his stuffed horse "Dino Rossi" (since been changed to Rough-Tough) and a leopard "Baracka Bama." Anyway, so the political chatter has mostly died down, but Naomi had an NPR session yesterday, and was brimming with information that she just had to share...

Naomi: "Guess what I heard on the radio today? Barack Obama is going to create THREE TRILLION new jobs!" (I think she got the jobs number confused with the national debt.)

Josiah: "Whoa. That's a lot. How is he going to do that anyway?"

Eva: "Yeah, and what would they be? He'll say like, 'You- replace all the dead batteries.' "

Naomi: "Yeah, and 'You- change all the diapers....' (long pause) Wow. That's only two that we can thing of. He's gonna have a lotta sittin' and thinkin'! Can you believe- in just ten days Barack Obama is going to be president! And in just nine days, mom is going to be thirty-two!! And that means in eleven days, I'm going to be seven!!"

Josiah: "Wait, so did you hear ALL of that on the radio?"

"So Much Like a Two-Year Old," by Naomi

"This reminds me of you Addie. -Naomi"

first parade of the new year

What were you doing in the wee moments of 2009?

Whatever it was, I hope it was as exciting as this kid-produced parade- complete with a backwards leotard (in the snow) a tissue-paper-stuffed clown, a pink princess, some non-costumed little boys and various other colorful characters. They lined up at the front door and at the stroke of midnight headed out in the snow to bang their pot lids, yell, march, and somehow not get cold! Great memories. I won't be letting my kids stay up till 2am on a regular basis, but on this occasion it worked remarkably well. Fortunately they're finally old enough to have the good sense to sleep in the next day!

Buddy didn't care that this was "Girl Twister." It was noisy plastic, slippery, exciting, and his big cousins were on it! What's not to love?

So tired- but still up for play! What a guy.

Happy New Year, all.

the Christmas picture- behind the scenes

Do you ever imagine the reality behind all those sweet photo cards you get over the holidays? You might think that the children look so pleasant- so cooperative. That may be true, but I bet if the kids are under 10, especially if there is more than one, the "cute card" involved more than meets the eye! So now that the Christmas cards have all been sent, I thought it would be fun to share a peek at what it really takes to get the traditional "nice picture" with three children.

When it was sunny in December, I decided to get the kids over to the lake for the annual photo shoot. They were very disappointed, of course, but the girls know better to protest, and grudgingly put on their sweaters and combed their hair. Josiah, on the other hand, has a long standing tradition of crying bitterly when it's time to take the Christmas picture. It has happened every year, and this year was no exception. It's as if somehow my voice saying "Let's change clothes and go outside to get a Christmas picture!" somehow morphs as it travels to his ear, and when it gets there, says to him, "Let's put you in a scratchy straitjacket and force-feed you egg yolks while we pull out all your toenails." That has just got to be what happens, because nothing else would logically explain his reaction. Anyway, this year was no different, but things calmed down a bit when I let him wear his monkey shirt under his jacket, and comb his own hair. (Note: being cross-eyed is very cool in four-year-old circles.)

So we got in a few clicks....

before Josiah was distracted by a snail, and just had to pick it up, and just had to show it to his "gills" (girls). One diversion led to another, and before you know it, I was distracted and he tried a daring photo-session escape.

After running around wildly and laughing hysterically, he came back on the condition that they could do some "free" posing, of their own ideas...

This was what they came up with.

But here is the best one of all. And this was even taken before the break-away- this is my pose, a "let's make it nice" pose. This shows the true feelings about picture posing in our family. It looks like a poster for disturbed children, no? Please send money, they need help? Eva informed me afterwards that here she was trying to make her face very, very red- something she does by blowing out hard while also holding her breath. Very effective. Very Christmas. The others? I have no idea.

So there you have it. My kids are wonderful, but nothing is ever simple with them. "Nice" Christmas pictures with nice-but-squirrely kids can be achieved, but not without some determination. If a nice picture is all you seek, and you want to capture it in peace, I suggest you shoot something less fidgety, such as the silent and immobile Mount Rainer. Ah... beauty AND tranquility. But without those charming smiles.